Recently a friend of mine revealed to me that I, along with another friend, were most likely Goths in a past life. Considering she has no confirmed psychic abilities, don’t believe her.
But since the subject was brought up I took a good few moments to ponder this revelation.
Upon close inspection of my closet, I admit I have Goth tendencies. I can sometimes be what one may refer to as a ‘Secret Goth’.
You know what??? Goths are probably the prime reason I am even attractive to the opposite sex… let’s face it, Goths are mysterious, and a lot of magazines have told me men love a mystery (see: Sherlock Holmes; see: large breasts that hold a deep, black abyss between them).
Become interesting and obscure, but still be accepted by society. Reap the benefits of being a Secret Goth.
1. Goth kids like anime. To be a secret Goth, you must have a past mildly filled with anime (never got into anime? It’s okay, any deep dark secret you’re embarrassed to tell most people will do).
Now, aside from my Sailor Moon middle school days (okay, I watched Cowboy Bebop for a while, but that show was mildly interesting and not appropriate for children, so it doesn’t actually count), I’ve had little exposure to anime, especially due to education getting in the way; it just takes up a lot of time. But at one point in my life, I watched it.
The secret comes in that you cannot openly like anime and you certainly cannot sport any anime accessories. There are things in your past that have marked you and grow with you, much like Harry Potter was marked with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. (Isn’t Chibi Sailor Moon, or whatever she is, so cute though???!)
2. Goths listen to a lot of Goth music I know very little about, but Marilyn Manson wears a lot of black, so maybe put a few of his songs on your iPod.
Take a hint from ravers, they are like colorful, ditzy goths sprinkled with sunshine. But choose your tunes wisely; remember, mystery, even in music.
3. This should be obvious, but own lace. Lace is accepted by non-Goths, but Goths especially love it.
Rihanna is not openly Gothic, but notice how mysterious her lace glasses make her appear??? Secret Goth.
4. Mesh is especially liked by goths, as it has resemblance to lace. However, to be a Secret Goth, opt out of black mesh clothing.
I, for example, recently purchased a blue mesh sweater. Very chic and Secretly Gothic; it feeds my hidden fetish yet renders me normal.
5. Mesh and lace aside, own multiples of every type of clothing item in black.
Aside from hinting at Goth, this comes in very handy on those lazy days when you’ve had very little sleep and wake up late for work/school/life.
Effortlessly Secret Goth. Although, I don’t believe she just woke up, but that would be contradictory to the point I am trying to make and therefore shall be ignored.
6. Chains, buckles, hint at S&M (but don’t actually practice it… or just don’t tell people you do).
I am still lusting after these Aldo wedges, but Sam Edelman and Jeffrey Campbell have got me covered for the moment (or at the very least, my feet).
I think these tips should help you be on your way of being a mysterious
Secret Goth. Now, go out in to the world, and don’t admit anything.